Chapter 27: Sinister

Chapter 27: Bizarre

"Hee hee hee, tell me, do I look more like a human or a god?"

The thing in the woods shook the branches incessantly, its voice growing ever more shrill and piercing.

"You look like a human! You look like a human! Oh, venerable spirit, my family are all poor wretches, just out here trying to scrape together a meal!"

Terrified out of his wits, Lu Zhuangyuan paid no heed to anything else, hastily prostrating himself on the ground and kowtowing endlessly toward the woods.

As he kowtowed, he suddenly froze, for at the edge of the forest, he saw a pair of tiny feet clad in embroidered shoes standing there like two awls.

A chill ran down the back of his neck; stunned, he slowly raised his head, only to see a woman with bound feet standing all alone, draped in a brand-new, floral padded jacket.

Her broad face was exceedingly pale, yet her mouth was minuscule, and her eyes were like black beads inlaid in her face, never blinking once.

Her entire white face was shrouded in the darkness, resembling a small air sac floating in midair.

"Hee hee, do you think I look like a human?" The woman with bound feet covered her mouth and chuckled softly, taking delicate steps toward the campfire; seeing her walk, her body twisting and writhing as if entirely boneless, the last glimmer of hope in Lu Zhuangyuan's heart was utterly extinguished—he had run into the real deal!

"Boy!! Boy! Stop sleeping! Quick, piss on it, use your pure yang urine!!" Lu Zhuangyuan's terror-stricken, tearful wailing woke the others.

A burning branch was tremblingly picked up by the panicked scholar and hurled with all his might.

Yet the attack had no effect whatsoever; the firewood passed straight through the woman's body.

Just as the woman with bound feet was about to reach the fire, her body suddenly stiffened, and her oversized head abruptly twisted toward the woods to the east.

Branches rustled as Li Huowang and the others emerged, holding several glowing fluorite stones in their hands.

"Hmm?" Bai Lingmiao, who had by now removed her cloth strips, noticed something amiss. "Senior Brother Li, look, this woman is truly bizarre! She has no back to her head; both the front and the back are faces!"

With a sharp clang, a long sword was drawn from its scabbard, and Li Huowang stared vigilantly at the exceedingly eerie woman in the distance. "What are you?"

"Hee hee, I am a human, don't I look like one?" After the exceedingly shrill voice rang out, the woman with bound feet writhed her slender body like a centipede, shifting her approach toward her new target.

Naturally, Li Huowang would not sit and wait for death; acting decisively, he reached into his left pocket, and a dented Daoist bell appeared in his hand.

"Ring, ring, ring, ring~" A piercing chime rang out, and everyone present, including Li Huowang himself, clutched their heads in agony.

Li Huowang did not stop, continuing to shake it vigorously, for within his field of vision, everything was twisting and swaying violently, including the woman with bound feet.

Amidst the swaying, her brand-new floral padded jacket began to tear, and wisps of black mist were continuously billowing out from within.

This copper bell was effective against the woman!

Suddenly, the woman let out a shriek, her disintegrating body thrashing wildly as she retreated into the woods, and before long, she vanished from Li Huowang's sight.

The ringing gradually ceased, and Li Huowang looked down in surprise at the Daoist bell in his hand. "Though it didn't summon Lord You, I truly didn't expect you to have such a use."

Whether it was because it had been smashed flat or for some other reason, although Li Huowang had obtained Danyangzi's bell, every time he shook it, the lines around him merely jittered chaotically, never coalescing into Lord You as before.

The more he learned about this world, the more bewildered he became; what on earth was all this chaotic mess?

"Master, oh Master! Thank you so much for your help! I was truly blind to your greatness, come, come, come over and warm yourself by the fire."

Overflowing with gratitude, Lu Zhuangyuan clasped his hands and stepped forward, enthusiastically pulling Li Huowang toward the campfire.

Compared to that thing just now, the monsters trailing behind this Daoist priest were undoubtedly much friendlier; after all, with the priest keeping them in check, these creatures were merely frightening at worst, whereas that thing earlier would truly take one's life.

"Alas! That damned beast! If it hadn't suddenly fled as if struck by the plague, how could I have ever slighted a master like you?" Lu Zhuangyuan pulled out his pipe and theatrically tapped it against the saddle.

After tapping it a few times, he turned around and shouted, "Hey, Juanhua, quick, quick, quick, toast the buns and fetch some water! Bring the biggest wheat buns! And get three... no! Five salted duck eggs!!"

Lu Zhuangyuan's sudden enthusiasm made Li Huowang somewhat uncomfortable. "Old sir, there's no need to go to such trouble; may I bother you with a few questions?"

"Ask! Ask anything! The young Daoist master just saved the lives of my entire family! Hehe, ask whatever you like!" Lu Zhuangyuan patted his chest and readily agreed.

Seeming to feel he wasn't enthusiastic enough, he shoved the mouthpiece of his pipe into his armpit, sucked hard a few times, relit it, and with a fawning expression, offered it to Li Huowang with both hands.

"Uh... thank you, old sir, but I don't smoke; do you know what that thing we just encountered was? What is it called?" Li Huowang pushed away the well-worn, patina-coated pipe with his hand.

He currently knew nothing about this world, and to survive safely, he had to learn as much as possible.

Lu Zhuangyuan was clearly stumped by the question. "What? How... how would I know? Daoist master, didn't you drive away that thing seeking investiture? You don't know?"

Looking at his bewildered eyes, Li Huowang realized he had asked the wrong person; in this regard, the old man might not know any more than he did.

"I heard you mention using a boy's urine; can a boy's urine harm that thing?"

"Yes, yes, yes!! Absolutely! Those things fear filth! I've heard that smearing snot on them works too, but the most effective of all has to be a boy's urine; it has the most yang energy and is also a foul substance."

"Really? Have you ever used it before, old sir?"

Lu Zhuangyuan, who had been so resolute just a moment ago, gave an awkward smile at Li Huowang's question, his gaze somewhat evasive. "Perhaps it works; the village elders always passed it down that way, and since everyone says so, it surely can't be wrong."

Li Huowang sighed helplessly; why was it always passed down from ancestors? Was the transmission of knowledge among the people here really this backward?

"Alright then, old sir, let me ask you what you do know; have you encountered many things like this?"

"No, how could one run into such bizarre things every day? If it happened every single night, I would have sold off all my belongings long ago and taken my son back to farm the fields." Lu Zhuangyuan put the pipe in his mouth and puffed away.

"I've been out on the road for many years now, and I've only encountered it four times."

"So that's how it is..." Li Huowang gazed at the dark woods around him, gaining a new understanding of this world.

Having spent so much time around Danyangzi, he had assumed the outside world was crawling with things like the Black Taisui, but now it seemed that wasn't the case at all.

Ordinary people had heard of these things, but they remained far removed from their daily lives.

(End of Chapter)